Verity's Blog

Reason for Everything...

A few days ago I had quite a rant about the host of bookings that had suddenly cancelled on me and left the financial horizon of November looking alarmingly bleak. It was great to vent my frustations and to experience that by just writing down how I was feeling, cleared up a lot of space for me to deal effectively with 'Now What?'

So, when I found myself sitting at the stunning new Cape Town International Airport on Tuesday and getting ready to head to Europe for my first international speaking/performing engagement and I was feeling relieved! This last week has seen me pack up our entire house so that I could get moved out before I left and on top of that I have been co-ordinating presentation videos being edited, albums getting packed, business cards being printed etc etc etc.

Now, imagine if I had in fact not had any of my bookings cancel? The last week would have seen me in Joburg until 20^th November after which I would have jetted home just in time to drive the band to ZIMFEST and then had only 2 days to pack up house and arrange an overseas trip before speaking at an event today and then sliding into the airport on the threads of my worn out socks!

As my ever steady, unfailingly supportive boyfriend drove me to the airport I felt very grateful for the unexpected cancellations. It is another of life's lessons that everything happens for a reason – however unexpected or upsetting at the time – and that hindsight is often the only way to make sense of life's twists and turns and say 'AH, that's why!' So, this is me saying thank you for the cancellations, thank you for the lesson to charge deposits in future and THANK YOU for all the extra time I have had to be ready for this next adventure! Bring on the seasons 'cos I've weathered them all!

Wherever life goes... off to the UK

I thought it fitting that as I am winging my way to the UK tonight to speak at the Entrepreneurs World Cup in London & then Antwerp, that I should share this music video for my song "Wherever Love (or life) Goes".

I shot it 4 years ago with my director friend Dale Rodkin up on the west coast. We just headed off with a steadycam, a boom box to play the track, and the intention to have a blast. It was a stunning afternoon playing in the waves with Dale's sister Cindy running behind us with the song blasting so that I could sing along. Really one of those experiences of making something out of very little and having fun doing it.

So, as I head into the big unknown of speaking on my first international stage, all I can say is "sink or swim, 'cos it's life we are in - and you can fight it or you can go with the flow. And breathe it in, and let it give you wings, and take you wherever it is life goes!"

One small step at a time...

It took us 8hours, 17minutes and 43seconds to reach the top of Platteklip Gorge with my mum, but against all odds - an ageing body, mild emphasema, a frozen shoulder and an compacted spine - she did it! It took a group effort to get her up the mountain - slowing down to match her pace and just accepting that we would get there one small step at a time.  The fact that she could have her family there to help her reach her goal brought home to me that none of us ever achieve anything alone, and it was a huge exercise in 'alone we can't, together we can!' . It's the people around us - who help us, who believe in us, who encourage us, who push us when we want to quit - who are intrinsic to our success.

At the end of the day she was able to look down on Cape Town and celebrate that she had realised a HUGE dream that a year ago she had given up on ever achieving. I can't explain how incredible it felt to see her face and to know with every fibre of my being that change is possible for anyone. If my mother can summit a mountain after coming back from the brink of death, then I truly believe anyone can do anything if they just do it at the pace they are capable of.

Near the top of the mountain we all started humming the theme to Chariots of Fire and also singing my song "Push Me On" to keep her going, and it was an emotional experience to have the words find new meaning in terms of her journey and to watch her keep on pushing till she reached her goal. AMAZING!!!

"Hold on - just a little longer. You are so much - closer than you know...
 Hold on - it's just a little further and we'll push you on - till you reach home"

   

 

Miracle... a song for my mother

Tomorrow is a big day in my family. A year ago we were in a very scary place where it looked unlikely that my mum would live to see Christmas. She has had a rough couple of years since my dad passed away, and was in an increasingly fragile space. Leading up to November last year we felt less and less like we could reach her in any meaningful way, and it was devastating to watch the woman we love so much start slipping away from us as her sorrow consumed her. It took a very brave intervention by my sister and I that finally set her on a path of letting go of her pain and starting to embrace life. We didn't know if she would go with us, but I think our concern and love for her filtered through and she finally turned back towards living the life she deserves.

It has been a miracle beyond words to see my mother come back to us - vibrant, happy, involved and even a little cheeky. She is in such a powerful space and tomorrow as way to acknowledge her journey, the family will help her realise a life long dream to climb Table Mountain. Given her age and that her body has been through the mill, we have to start VERY early, but one gentle step at a time we intend to help her realize that dream and celebrate the road ahead looking out across Cape Town.

Below are the lyrics to my song Miracle that I wrote for her when she was at a low point a few years back. It was a my wish that somehow she would start to see her as we do and celebrate the unique gift she is to the world. It is a blessing beyond words to have the lyrics in this song realised and to bear witness to my mother's transformation from pain & grief to a woman who is grasping her life in both hands and being the gorgeous, unique, phenomenal woman that she is!

When the sun sets tomorrow,  I hope it sets on all your sorrows. And when it rises the day after, I hope it rises to your laughter. When the moon shines I hope that you find, All the light that's on the inside. And a moon trail on a still lake - makes you dive in and your soul wakes...

To the miracle of who you are - you're as infinite as the stars - that's the miracle of who you are....

And as time goes and your life flows, I hope you tingle from your head to your toes. Always enraptured by what you've captured, I hope you know how much you matter. You're a galaxy of possibilities, you're as big as you allow yourself to be. You choose the colours, you choose the textures, fill your life with people who reflect the... Miracle of who you are - you're as infinite as the stars - that's the miracle of who you are...

You're wonderful, you're beautiful - you're magical and you are everything inbetween. Magnificent, yes you're heaven sent - you are as big as the dream you dream... And that's the miracle of who you are - you're as infinite as the stars...

I love you Mum!

In for the long ride...

I blurted out my frustrations yesterday and it has been amazing to see the response. I realise that in this journey I mostly focus on all the good bits- and there have been alot - but often I carry to angst and pain of the uncertainity of this road on my own. It felt good to share what I have been dealing with and to hear that I am not alone. While I experience so many miracles in the work I do, the day to day is often exhausting, given that there are no guarantees on this path and it is a gamble to even try. I know that is life, but the artistic endeavour is one that requires that we reach right into the depths of our souls, draw out all that is sacred to us, and slap that out on canvas, in words or in song and then trust that we can actually survive long enough to see our work have some sort of impact in the world.

I watched Elisabeth Gilbert's TED talk on Genius last night with some girl friends and it brought home to me, that as an artist, my job is to just show up and do my work. If by some divinely happy accident that work is infused with that something extra - that 'X Factor' if you will - then WOW, Thank You, Yipppeee! But that is something I have no control over - just like I cant control if the radio stations will play my songs, or if people come to our shows or if this dream plays out exactly the way I hope it will. All I can control is that I show up because I love what I do, and but that account I love how hard the road is at times, because that is what grows me. That is what gives my work depth and allows me to connect with similar experiences in others - be it through song, poem or a talk.

Pondering this all today brought me to a song I have been working on recently, and I have been belting out the chorus at my piano and getting present to the fact that this is the road I choose - the ups, the downs, the disappointments, the celebrations - all of it - and I am in for the long ride!

"So if at first I don't succeed, just keep your eye on me - 'cos I'll try and I'll try again - until the day I win - I wont give in. And if at first you don't succeed - all you ever need... is to try and to try again - until the day you win - DONT GIVE IN!!!"

Sorry for the 'inconvenience'....

I am frustrated! November was set to be a super busy and lucrative month with 3 big talks and Zimfest for the band to perform at. So imagine my disappointment when a very well paying talk cancels out of the blue which also means that my flight to Jozi (that coincided nicely with TEDx) was going to have to come out of my pocket. Then a few days later, Zimfest decides to 'postpone' the festival because the rain – 10 days before the event! So – onwards I go and buy my ticket for TEDx only to have Kulula make a monumental hash of the booking which resulted in me having to pay for it TWICE because they neglected to ask for email/fax confirmation of internet transfers and wouldn't let me board without swiping my card. Talk about Kulula.con!

So, after an awesome time at TEDx, here I am waiting to fly home when in comes an email from my CT talk saying 'sorry for the inconvenience but we are postponing the event till next year'.... Amazingly the client who cancelled last week also apologised for the inconvenience!

INCONVENIENCE? A traffic jam is inconvenient, a power failure is inconvenient, chips when you ordered a baked potato is inconvenient! Cancelling a confirmed talk that has been invoiced for, has required that a tax clearance certificate be issued by SARS to satisfy miles of bureacratic red tape and has meant other bookings have been turned away is NOT INCONVENIENT! It is a serious dent in a very tight month of planning, a massive financial blow to a one woman show, a huge disappointment and a very large pain in the proverbial butt!

I am coming to realise that a hefty deposit for any bookings is what is required. No more Miss "I Love Doing Things for Free so Please Don't Worry About the Impact Your Shift in Schedule has on Me"!

There... I have spoken my truth! This 'living your dreams' lark is quite a rollercoaster and not for the faint hearted I can promise you! Now...how am I going to pay the rent??

Thought for the week...

This world is full of kindness, with goodness & with love. You just need to look around to see what I’m speaking of…

It’s the smile from a stranger - the helping hands when you drop your stuff
The bartender you don’t know, who tells you when you’ve had enough
It’s the old man in the park spending his last dime to feed the birds
The woman cleaning the washroom, singing like she’s being heard

It’s the child who helps a fallen friend, instead of trying to win the race
It’s starving people getting a meal, and then stopping to say grace.
It’s the teacher who illuminates, our children with their vision
The rich man in his mansion, who chooses to share what he’s been given

Yeah, it’s all around us – everyday - we’ve just got to let in – there are so many ways….

(I wrote this back in Nashville in 2005 and still think it applies to life - cheesy or not : )

TWO WOLVES...

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.  He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil -  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The other is Good -  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Poem from a new fan...

I received this poem yesterday and it has made my week. I am so touched when people take the time to reach out like this and share with me how they experience what I do - it makes the journey that much more worthwhile...

"I made a new friend today, she is tiny but when she sang, she filled the hall.

Her voice bounced around like a huge beach ball.

The words of her song entered my ears and filled my heart

I understand her story and I am not even smart

My body was moving with the rhythm, I understood every words she sang,

at the end of her song it was not silence I heard, but rather a bang.

It was the beat of my own heart and I felt so alive 

I felt like a kid and not like a mother that is 55!

It's good to feel so happy and good,

music and words feed my sole like food

Yes, today I met Verity with a voice that lifted my spirit so high

I enjoyed this woman's day and was sad to say good bye!

But now I can visit her with modern technology when ever I can,

because my friend Verity, has a new fan!!!"

Thought for the week...

The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can absorb.   -   Jan Coleman