Verity's Blog

My beautiful mother passed away, far sooner than we ever expected, last Wednesday 3rd March at 5.38pm. My sister, her husband, my aunt and I were all around her bed holding hands as she passed very peacefully from this world. It was a strangely beautiful and achingly painful experience that has stayed with us through these last few surreal days.

I will be eternally grateful that we held a life honouring ceremony for her just three days before she died and that each of us had the chance to tell her just how much we loved her. We had no idea she would be taken from us so soon, but also feel relieved that she was spared from prolonged physical suffering. She lived her life to the fullest until the day she passed away and I will remember forever that last Tuesday she walked me to my car and our last words to each other were 'I love you'.

I have been humbled by the love and support our family has received through all of this and am overwhelmed with love for my family who have grown even closer through this experience. We held a memorial for mum on Saturday under the trees at the Tokai Arboretum, and it was a true tribute to her to have nearly two hundred family, friends and fellow travellers arrive to celebrate her memory and give her a standing ovation for a life so beautifully and graciously lived.

It will be a challenging road ahead adjusting to life without her but I feel amazingly at peace to know she doesn't have to suffer anymore and that she left this world having said all she needed to say and knowing how much she was adored. I love and will miss her so much!

Celebrating Life...

I was overwhelmed by the support I received after writing about my mum being ill and really grateful that I chose to share what we are going through at the moment. It continues to be a rollercoaster of denial, grief, fear and acceptance for all of us. In the middle of it there is my mum - unbelievably serene and happy despite the terrible pain and discomfort she is in. She keeps turning to us and saying that she feels like she is in heaven on earth and I am being humbled by her grace and wisdom daily.

I am really present to how lucky we are to have this time together and the last week I have been fortunate to have late calls on set so I that could spend each morning with her. My brother and his family arrived today and this weekend we are going to have a family celebration of the colours of her life. We want to acknowledge her for her journey, her wisdom, her patience, her love, her lessons, her support, her courage and her amazing grace. This will be a time for each of us to really honour her and for her to also say what she needs to say to each of us.

I know it is going to be an emotional day for us all - but it will be filled with the emotion that counts - love! What a blessing to be able to honour her for everything she has achieved in her life and to stand as a family and celebrate her! I love you mum!

This is one of those things I don't want to write about. I feel like if I don't put it down on paper then its not really happening. But the sad thing is that it is. A month ago our family got turned upside down with the news that my mum has stage 4 lung cancer. It has been a surreal experience of coming to terms with it all and we are having to just take each day as it comes. I have found my whole life thrown into harsh relief of what really matters and what doesn't. Suddenly work is a hard thing to do when I could rather be with her enjoying each moment. All the chasing of material gains seems incredibly futile when faced with losing my mother - it is a loss I can't fathom right now.

I was unsure whether to share this news, but the truth is my work is a journey and my journey is my life and in my life right now my mum is really sick. The next few months are going to drag us all through the fire of life and there is no way that wont impact on who we are and what we do going forward. I am so grateful for this time to just be with her and celebrate her and for us to be able to say everything we want to say. I know that it is a precious gift to have this time however painful the reality of the outcome may be. So for now I am going to take things one day at a time and love my mother with every drop of emotion in my body and pray that whatever is to come is as gentle as can be hoped for.

Live Forever... in memory of my father

Today it is 10 years since my father passed way. It feels surreal that so much life has been packed into those years for everyone in my family and that he hasn't been here for it. Even though he lives on in our hearts, it is on days like today that I miss him terribly and also celebrate his memory at the same time. The day after he died, I found solace with my piano and journal, and the song 'Forever In Me' was born. It took me many years before I could sing it without getting choked up, but over time it has become more and more of a celebration of his memory and the way he lived his life. I have been asked to sing it at quite a few funerals, and find it a challenge to share this song in the face of such raw grief even though I know it is the right song for those moments.

I was really touched, when a year ago the song was used as the soundtrack for a BabySense ad, as a celebration of new life and the road that stretches ahead for every newborn. It felt fitting that a song born of endings should also herald new beginnings. As indeed "there is no death, only life. While things may change, they do not die. And the biggest compliment I have ever had - is it's your eyes I have".

I love you Dad!

Reason for Everything...

A few days ago I had quite a rant about the host of bookings that had suddenly cancelled on me and left the financial horizon of November looking alarmingly bleak. It was great to vent my frustations and to experience that by just writing down how I was feeling, cleared up a lot of space for me to deal effectively with 'Now What?'

So, when I found myself sitting at the stunning new Cape Town International Airport on Tuesday and getting ready to head to Europe for my first international speaking/performing engagement and I was feeling relieved! This last week has seen me pack up our entire house so that I could get moved out before I left and on top of that I have been co-ordinating presentation videos being edited, albums getting packed, business cards being printed etc etc etc.

Now, imagine if I had in fact not had any of my bookings cancel? The last week would have seen me in Joburg until 20^th November after which I would have jetted home just in time to drive the band to ZIMFEST and then had only 2 days to pack up house and arrange an overseas trip before speaking at an event today and then sliding into the airport on the threads of my worn out socks!

As my ever steady, unfailingly supportive boyfriend drove me to the airport I felt very grateful for the unexpected cancellations. It is another of life's lessons that everything happens for a reason – however unexpected or upsetting at the time – and that hindsight is often the only way to make sense of life's twists and turns and say 'AH, that's why!' So, this is me saying thank you for the cancellations, thank you for the lesson to charge deposits in future and THANK YOU for all the extra time I have had to be ready for this next adventure! Bring on the seasons 'cos I've weathered them all!

Wherever life goes... off to the UK

I thought it fitting that as I am winging my way to the UK tonight to speak at the Entrepreneurs World Cup in London & then Antwerp, that I should share this music video for my song "Wherever Love (or life) Goes".

I shot it 4 years ago with my director friend Dale Rodkin up on the west coast. We just headed off with a steadycam, a boom box to play the track, and the intention to have a blast. It was a stunning afternoon playing in the waves with Dale's sister Cindy running behind us with the song blasting so that I could sing along. Really one of those experiences of making something out of very little and having fun doing it.

So, as I head into the big unknown of speaking on my first international stage, all I can say is "sink or swim, 'cos it's life we are in - and you can fight it or you can go with the flow. And breathe it in, and let it give you wings, and take you wherever it is life goes!"

Miracle... a song for my mother

Tomorrow is a big day in my family. A year ago we were in a very scary place where it looked unlikely that my mum would live to see Christmas. She has had a rough couple of years since my dad passed away, and was in an increasingly fragile space. Leading up to November last year we felt less and less like we could reach her in any meaningful way, and it was devastating to watch the woman we love so much start slipping away from us as her sorrow consumed her. It took a very brave intervention by my sister and I that finally set her on a path of letting go of her pain and starting to embrace life. We didn't know if she would go with us, but I think our concern and love for her filtered through and she finally turned back towards living the life she deserves.

It has been a miracle beyond words to see my mother come back to us - vibrant, happy, involved and even a little cheeky. She is in such a powerful space and tomorrow as way to acknowledge her journey, the family will help her realise a life long dream to climb Table Mountain. Given her age and that her body has been through the mill, we have to start VERY early, but one gentle step at a time we intend to help her realize that dream and celebrate the road ahead looking out across Cape Town.

Below are the lyrics to my song Miracle that I wrote for her when she was at a low point a few years back. It was a my wish that somehow she would start to see her as we do and celebrate the unique gift she is to the world. It is a blessing beyond words to have the lyrics in this song realised and to bear witness to my mother's transformation from pain & grief to a woman who is grasping her life in both hands and being the gorgeous, unique, phenomenal woman that she is!

When the sun sets tomorrow,  I hope it sets on all your sorrows. And when it rises the day after, I hope it rises to your laughter. When the moon shines I hope that you find, All the light that's on the inside. And a moon trail on a still lake - makes you dive in and your soul wakes...

To the miracle of who you are - you're as infinite as the stars - that's the miracle of who you are....

And as time goes and your life flows, I hope you tingle from your head to your toes. Always enraptured by what you've captured, I hope you know how much you matter. You're a galaxy of possibilities, you're as big as you allow yourself to be. You choose the colours, you choose the textures, fill your life with people who reflect the... Miracle of who you are - you're as infinite as the stars - that's the miracle of who you are...

You're wonderful, you're beautiful - you're magical and you are everything inbetween. Magnificent, yes you're heaven sent - you are as big as the dream you dream... And that's the miracle of who you are - you're as infinite as the stars...

I love you Mum!

In for the long ride...

I blurted out my frustrations yesterday and it has been amazing to see the response. I realise that in this journey I mostly focus on all the good bits- and there have been alot - but often I carry to angst and pain of the uncertainity of this road on my own. It felt good to share what I have been dealing with and to hear that I am not alone. While I experience so many miracles in the work I do, the day to day is often exhausting, given that there are no guarantees on this path and it is a gamble to even try. I know that is life, but the artistic endeavour is one that requires that we reach right into the depths of our souls, draw out all that is sacred to us, and slap that out on canvas, in words or in song and then trust that we can actually survive long enough to see our work have some sort of impact in the world.

I watched Elisabeth Gilbert's TED talk on Genius last night with some girl friends and it brought home to me, that as an artist, my job is to just show up and do my work. If by some divinely happy accident that work is infused with that something extra - that 'X Factor' if you will - then WOW, Thank You, Yipppeee! But that is something I have no control over - just like I cant control if the radio stations will play my songs, or if people come to our shows or if this dream plays out exactly the way I hope it will. All I can control is that I show up because I love what I do, and but that account I love how hard the road is at times, because that is what grows me. That is what gives my work depth and allows me to connect with similar experiences in others - be it through song, poem or a talk.

Pondering this all today brought me to a song I have been working on recently, and I have been belting out the chorus at my piano and getting present to the fact that this is the road I choose - the ups, the downs, the disappointments, the celebrations - all of it - and I am in for the long ride!

"So if at first I don't succeed, just keep your eye on me - 'cos I'll try and I'll try again - until the day I win - I wont give in. And if at first you don't succeed - all you ever need... is to try and to try again - until the day you win - DONT GIVE IN!!!"

Sorry for the 'inconvenience'....

I am frustrated! November was set to be a super busy and lucrative month with 3 big talks and Zimfest for the band to perform at. So imagine my disappointment when a very well paying talk cancels out of the blue which also means that my flight to Jozi (that coincided nicely with TEDx) was going to have to come out of my pocket. Then a few days later, Zimfest decides to 'postpone' the festival because the rain – 10 days before the event! So – onwards I go and buy my ticket for TEDx only to have Kulula make a monumental hash of the booking which resulted in me having to pay for it TWICE because they neglected to ask for email/fax confirmation of internet transfers and wouldn't let me board without swiping my card. Talk about Kulula.con!

So, after an awesome time at TEDx, here I am waiting to fly home when in comes an email from my CT talk saying 'sorry for the inconvenience but we are postponing the event till next year'.... Amazingly the client who cancelled last week also apologised for the inconvenience!

INCONVENIENCE? A traffic jam is inconvenient, a power failure is inconvenient, chips when you ordered a baked potato is inconvenient! Cancelling a confirmed talk that has been invoiced for, has required that a tax clearance certificate be issued by SARS to satisfy miles of bureacratic red tape and has meant other bookings have been turned away is NOT INCONVENIENT! It is a serious dent in a very tight month of planning, a massive financial blow to a one woman show, a huge disappointment and a very large pain in the proverbial butt!

I am coming to realise that a hefty deposit for any bookings is what is required. No more Miss "I Love Doing Things for Free so Please Don't Worry About the Impact Your Shift in Schedule has on Me"!

There... I have spoken my truth! This 'living your dreams' lark is quite a rollercoaster and not for the faint hearted I can promise you! Now...how am I going to pay the rent??

Thought for the week...

This world is full of kindness, with goodness & with love. You just need to look around to see what I’m speaking of…

It’s the smile from a stranger - the helping hands when you drop your stuff
The bartender you don’t know, who tells you when you’ve had enough
It’s the old man in the park spending his last dime to feed the birds
The woman cleaning the washroom, singing like she’s being heard

It’s the child who helps a fallen friend, instead of trying to win the race
It’s starving people getting a meal, and then stopping to say grace.
It’s the teacher who illuminates, our children with their vision
The rich man in his mansion, who chooses to share what he’s been given

Yeah, it’s all around us – everyday - we’ve just got to let in – there are so many ways….

(I wrote this back in Nashville in 2005 and still think it applies to life - cheesy or not : )